Friday, February 3, 2012

Dear Joshua,

Joshua,
Today is such a bittersweet day for your dad, sis and brother. I’m certain that the joy you are experiencing by celebrating today in Heaven. I wonder, do you celebrate your earthly birthday? I’m hoping you do celebrate and remember me and your dad. Our last birthday with you - you turned 16. I remember you were sooo sick with the flu. I know how disappointed you were that you couldn’t get your permit until 2 weeks later. Do you remember how you and I were sitting at the kitchen table talking and you told me birthdays didn’t mean so much as you get older.  We had a nice talk that evening. It was rare that we had time to talk with you basketball practice taking up most of your evenings. Your dad and I miss you so much. Our heart aches daily as we go through this journey without you. We grew up with you. You were always a special boy. Your blue eyes and long eyelashes - they got me every time. There is so much I want to tell you. I’m sorry for not being a better mom to you.  I wish I had but down that broom and stopped to listen to what you were trying to tell me. The dirty house could wait. I didn’t know that you wouldn’t be able to wait. Your little brother needs you so much. We have him in therapy trying to learn how to go on without you. Jennifer was home last week and was talking about you. It ended up in a huge watershed. She was crying and telling me that “it isn’t even a want to  see Joshua. It is a need. I think that speaks for us all. My prayer is that I am able to get to Heaven to spend eternity with you. It is so hard not to have a hard heart towards God. But, I’m trying.

I love you with all that am and all that I have.
Miss you-
Love, Mom
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