Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Easter, this year
Before you read this please know that I am still struggling with God. Writing this is so much easier than living it. But, as I believe, if I am angry with God, then I still believe in Him. When I don't ask him questions or think about him throughout the day, then I feel as though I have a huge problem. When I don't believe that I will not see Joshua ever again, then it is time to throw in the towel.
Easter Service...hhmm...makes me very nervous this year. I haven't been to church in ages. But I don't want to be classified as one of those C & E people. You know them, they attend only at Christmas and Easter.
Well, that is who I am this year. Maybe. I didn't go to church this past Christmas so maybe that makes me just an E person.
The first few years after we lost Joshua Easter was most exciting to me. I truly embraced the whole event. Jesus meant more to me than life. More important than Christmas, actually. That day our Saviour was born, not a whole lot special about that. Everyone has a birthday, right? But who can die for us and be raised on the third day? Truly, this is the day that changed history.
I don't know of anyone except Jesus who could die for us. But at Easter, Jesus really did become our Savour through suffering and God' s grace to us all. If Jesus had not resurrected from the grave we would have no savior. I can't even fathom the idea. This world is so full of struggles, evil ...it is everywhere. If we had no Jesus, what would we have?
Of course, I don't know that C & E really need to be examined as one competing with the other. Aren't we really supposed to live our life as though it is C & E everyday?